Motor Home Massacre, if you must (31DoHM Day 10)

Day 10: Motor Home Massacre - "I spit up a little Mountain Dew"

In honor of the 31 Days of Halloween Madness, Tiki Chris's ole buddy, Pint Champion is kindly providing a few B-Horror movie reviews. Since the days when PC was but a wee half pint, he has been fascinated by campy, low-budget horror flicks. Indeed, he has seen thousands of movies in this genre.

So why low-budget horror flicks? PC likes how these films "have the ability to turn the morbid, outrageous, unbelievable, and grotesque into pure comedy. There is definitely an art to it, and I'm a fan."

All Pint Champion movie reviews are based upon his non-patented "Tom Wopat Rating Scale."



(10 Tom Wopats = The Best, 0 Tom Wopats = the Worst)

For his second review, Pint Champion has chosen "Motor Home Massacre." Enjoy.

Motor Home Massacre (2005)

















There are no words to describe how ridiculously abysmal this movie was. What fun! After Cannibal Holocaust, I needed a good laugh and got one. This movie is really, really, undeniably horrible. To begin with, check out the cast here. I was very amused to see these sorry assholes all currently reside in the Atlanta area. Maybe I can get an autograph from one of the bimbos, or maybe even from Lincoln (who plays a Vanilla Ice like character and calls every female “bitch” through the entire movie)?

The synopsis is as follows and mimics 80s slasher style:

Seven young adults take a vintage RV out for a camping trip in the woods. Benji, the nerdish loser, is the only one without a date. Nicole, a black female, was already at the campground with another group. I’ll go ahead and tell you that she’s one of the killers. Her boyfriend dumped her and she thinks he is calling her on her cell phone and ordering her to kill people. They are in the woods, so you know the phone doesn’t work, right? Also, it’s the same spooky industrial voice you’ve heard a thousand times. She kills the couple she is with and then meets the new group when they arrive.

The special effects in this “slasher” film are ridiculous, cheap, and really do provoke multiple guffaws. I spit up a little Mountain Dew once. Even the sound is bad sometimes. I’ve seen better acting in my high school classes. The sad part is I don’t teach drama. I teach history and sometimes we do really bad skits. Those skits are usually better than this piece of shit. Another funny continuity issue is when Benji leaves the RV at camp wearing a blue shirt, and whenever he goes back inside the RV, he is wearing a tie and sweater vest just like when they are in route to the camp. It happens at least twice. I guess they didn’t want to lose any money by re-shooting scenes!

Some of the better lines are as follows:

- “This RV was cool when Michael Jackson was cool.” (Sabrina)
- “Reznizzle my riddle?” (Lincoln)
- “Easy Jeff Foxworthless.” (Roger to the redneck biker gas station attendant who can’t make up his mind whether he is in Georgia or Wisconsin with his accent)

I’ll give this movie two Tom Wopats. One Tom Wopat is for gratuitous silicone-filled boobie shots. Another Tom Wopat is for having a black female serial killer, very rare. Maybe we can hook her up with Candyman since her boyfriend dumped her? No wait, Sabrina killed him with a frying pan. Too bad girlfriend!

Watch this movie if you must!
2 Tom Wopats!

Click here to see the trailer and clips from the film.