The Corpse Grinders (31DoHM Day 19)

Day 19: The Corpse Grinders - "There are plenty of ingredients in this world!"

In honor of the 31 Days of Halloween Madness, Tiki Chris's ole buddy, Pint Champion is kindly providing a few B-Horror movie reviews. Since the days when PC was but a wee half pint, he has been fascinated by campy, low-budget horror flicks. Indeed, he has seen thousands of movies in this genre.

So why low-budget horror flicks? PC likes how these films "have the ability to turn the morbid, outrageous, unbelievable, and grotesque into pure comedy. There is definitely an art to it, and I'm a fan."

All Pint Champion movie reviews are based upon his non-patented "Tom Wopat Rating Scale."



(10 Tom Wopats = The Best, 0 Tom Wopats = the Worst)

For his third review, Pint Champion has chosen "The Corpse Grinders." Enjoy.

The Corpse Grinders (1971)



Holy Mother of Morris the Cat! This movie is what it’s all about. Absolute, pure, 100%, old school SCHLOCK!

If you need a good laugh and appreciate low-budget horror movies that make no attempt at taking themselves seriously, then rent this one! I laughed my ass off. The storyline involves a mysterious brand of cat food called “Lotus”. Any poor kitty that eats this “pork-flavored” cat food almost immediately goes bonkers and viciously attacks the nearest human! Well, as the poster in the run-down Lotus Cat Food Company plant indicates, it’s “For Cats Who Love People.” During each attack you will be glued to your couch as another B-movie actor wrestles with fake blood and a stuffed cat to save their skin. What’s the secret ingredient that the kitties all love? The secret ingredient ain’t tuna and grain meal folks, it’s HUMAN FLESH!!!!!

Landau is the part-owner of the company and is operating illegally with the complicit help of his investment partner, Maltby. To save money, they begin cutting costs by buying corpses from the creepy caretaker (Caleb) of a nearby cemetery called, are you ready for this, “Farewell Acres.” Caleb is your typical bearded, hunchback, corpse-selling caretaker who lives with his insane wife Cleo. Cleo takes care of the baby, which is a doll that has hair that is all matted like hers. It gives a new meaning to “Empty Nest Syndrome.” She is always giving Caleb “salty meat” throughout the movie. Boy, wonder what kind of meat that is? The workers at the Lotus plant are also a trip. There is a wino janitor, Willie, and a one-legged “mute” redhead named Tessie. Landau happens to be fluent in “American Sign Language” and communicates with Tessie. What a great boss! Their hand motions, however, resemble wiping nacho salt from your fingers. One ASL sign I do know is the one for “bull shit.” (Make bull horns and rub them on your upper lip)

The protagonists are Dr. Howard Glass and his girlfriend nurse, Angie Robinson. They expose the company after becoming suspicious of the all the cat attacks. Dr. Glass fully explains (after one minute of highly scientific research using a ten dollar microscope and some cat guts) how once tigers in nature taste human flesh, they go crazy! Tigers related to domestic cats…makes sense, right? There is also a private investigator leering around here and there.

The “corpse grinder” is the machine that does the dirty business. It grinds up the bodies into a nice brown paste for the kitties. Since this movie was released in 1971, the nudity is toned down, so everyone has to go into the grinder with their clothes and all. Hilarious! Best lines of the movie are as follows.

“There are plenty of ingredients in this world!” (Landau after pushing his partner Maltby into the grinder)

“There is someone here (referring to dead body) to see you.” (Says Mortician Assistant to Mortician)
“He’ll have to wait.” (Mortician)

This movie gets high marks for making the Pint Champion all giggly. I highly recommend!

8 Tom Wopats!

Click here to to learn more about Ted V. Mikels, director and producer of "The Corpse Grinders."